I think about my vagina a lot. I mean, we are pretty attached, yanno? Giver of pleasure and life and all that. We got a pretty good thing going, me and my vagina.
Seeing as I am the kind of woman to ponder these things, I think I know pretty damn well what she, my vagina, would say if she could speak. She would say things such as, “Hello, emotionally unavailable man, please come and make yourself at home,” or, “stop using plastic applicators, dummy! I want no part in helping you ruin the environment.” I like to think my vagina is an extension of me; conflicted, a little reckless, and just trying to do the right thing.
Well, it seem Summer’s Eve has put a lot of thought to what some vaginas would say if they had a chance. And in their new ads, they are putting this pondering to practice. The premiere series of spots is like a veritable “If These (Labial) Walls Could Talk.” In their minds, of course vaginas want their products. What a shamed lot they seem to think we all are, endlessly worrying about our scents.
But, it gets worse. Oh, yes it does. It seems that Summer’s Even thinks all vaginas fall in to some category of ethnic stereotype while feeling this shameful shame about their existence. Who knew an anthropomorphized vagina could embody stereotype? While my Polish/French vagina has asked me for a tattooed chef many a time, she has never once asked for a pirogi or a trip to the Eiffel Tower.
Summer’s Eve, already guilty of making women feel like their lady bits are dirty and smelly, in need of flushing out and cleaning with special, clarifying soap, has really done it this time. I thought their products hated women enough, frankly, but they will not be deterred in their woman hating ways. The ads are so flagrantly awful, my head is spinning that they made the air. Let’s take a look, shall we?
First up, we have a Black vagina:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9DcFjbELeW0&feature=player_embedded
And, Girrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrl! Is she sassy! She goin’ to the club and she is very concerned about her hair. She clucks her tongue, because she ain’t havin’ none of your guff. She is Pam Grier and Lil’ Kim all wrapped in to one. She makes me want to slam my head in to the ever loving wall.
And, next, the Mexican Vag…Cho-cha:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=szausZLMZuY&feature=player_embedded
The ad starts with the Mexican vagina saying “ay-yi-yi”, so there is that. Then it just goes down hill from there. There is the dropped “g” in the speech pattern and the unnecessary rant in Spanish and mention of a leopard thong. What really confuses me about that is I love me a leopard thong and the last time I checked, I was not Latina. Is my vagina having an identity crisis? I think she is just fine the way she is.
And finally, the Caucasian Vagina:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oKvLd_XxFuw&feature=player_embedded
She goes the gym. She whines. She really doesn’t want to trouble anyone with anything or make a nuisance. She is literally…vanilla. Why you gotta be so boring, woman? I can only assume she uses the phrase “vertical smile” (YES, THESE ADS ACTUALLY USE VERTICAL SMILE, FOR REALS) because she thinks she needs to have a grin slapped on her face all the time. You don’t always have to do the right thing, White Vagina!
Yes, this is ridiculous. We can all agree. Yes, I should not be shocked that a company that sells douches has acted like a huge douche. But sweet fancy Moses, am I taking crazy pills? How in sam hell were these ads made? And who agreed to this? Hands as vaginas asking to be cleansed of their dirtiness? It is just too damn much. I am all for some humor when it comes to vaginas—I certainly have a sense of humor about mine—but is anyone laughing about this?
So, what say you? What say your vagina? Would it go tell these ads to bite a curb? Or does my vagina need a sense of humor?
All Vaginas, Let Us Unite Against This Fuckery
About Lexa
